Total Heart Break....

I am writing this to ask for your urgent prayers.

Some family friends of ours have been trying for
20 years to have or adopt a child.
They are in their late 30's or so.
All of this time there have been issues that I wouldn't
even know enough about to get into.
Some health things... and other odds and ends.

Finally, out of the blue, in November of this past year...
they got a call that a birth mother had chosen their profile
and wanted to meet with them.

They met with her a number of times -
and she asked them to be in the hospital for the delivery.

Things were looking good.

On January 19th, they got the call that the mom was headed to the hospital.
Wouldn't you know, the weather was wretched!
It was a 2 hour drive for them on a good day...
so it took even longer and they unfortunately didn't make it for the birth.

HOWEVER, it was a GIRL!
And a few days later, they were able to go home...
Mommy, Daddy and Daughter.

As you can imagine, everyone has been super ecstatic
and excited for this new little family!
We've been following Facebook updates and pictures....

Until yesterday....

When the birth mother (who by law in PA has 30 days to change her mind)...
...asked for her baby back.

Heartbroken.

Devastated.

Crushed.

Those words don't even begin to describe how this couple is feeling...
not to mention their friends and family.

I am just sick, thinking of them having to hand the baby over...
tomorrow...
Friday...
the 27th.

If you are a praying person - I ask that you pray for this situation.
God has a plan and, though we don't understand it, His Will Be Done.

As Cory and I have talked about the heartache - I told him that, to me, it's like holding your baby in your arms, knowing that it only has a couple of days to live... and not wanting to put her down... wanting to soak up every precious moment. And when I think of Eloise, I just can't even imagine what they are going through. That little girl may not be their biological daughter... but they love her with all of their hearts. On the flip side, I can't imagine being a birth mom - giving my baby away - so I can understand that the "real" mom wants her baby back. But how absolutely horrible for things to have gotten this far.

Please... send up a prayer for them.
It would mean so much!

Thank you.

Just When I Think I'm Hanging in There...

... I realize that it's only by a thread.

If you haven't read some of my earlier posts you may not know that my husband and I are trying to conceive. I don't really like to post about it much because it's kind of private (and I don't want people giving me annoying advice about how much they *understand* when they've never been in my situation).

ANYWAY. Recently a friend of mine thought she had a miscarriage. Turns out that she had an ectopic... and she and her husband are devastated. I am devastated FOR them! It's just so sad. I have been praying for them to heal and find peace. I shared briefly with my mom about their heartache because I knew that she would care and would want to pray for them as well. She ended up buying this book to send to them.

(credit)

I decided to read it before I sent it off to my friend to make sure that it was appropriate since my mom hadn't read it before purchasing it. I kind of read through it fast, since I wanted to get it mailed out to my friend... but it really put a lot of things in perspective for me. If you are a Christian (or even if you aren't) and are struggling with Infertility, Miscarriage and/or Adoption Loss.. I would encourage you to pick up this book! It was nice to actually be able to relate to someone in a way that didn't make me feel like I was just "being ridiculous" or "impatient". It made me feel sort of normal in my struggles with not being able to conceive.

On another note though... having learned of my friend's unfortunate situation... there is a part of me that is afraid to get pregnant... because I don't want her to feel badly. I know that it is really out of my hands, however I don't know if I could shake that feeling of guilt if it were to happen. I suppose it's a moot point since I'm not pregnant... but it still hangs there in the back of my mind.

Today has been a particularly hard day for me in general on this topic... mainly because I logged into Facebook this morning to see that a number of my FB "Friends" have uploaded baby/kid pics and there was even a pregnancy announcement on someone's status update. So many days I keep hanging on for dear life not to lose control... and then it all just comes crashing in on me and I'm lost in a mix of emotions. Sadness that I'M not the one announcing pregnancy or posting baby pics... but also frustration that I am letting it get to me SO much. I wish there was an ON/OFF switch because trust me... that switch would be OFF faster than you can say "pathetic"! (Some days that's how I feel)

And I just can't stay off Facebook since I'm addicted to SCRABBLE! lol

On a happier note... tomorrow is our baby Boo's 4th birthday!
(From her bday a couple yrs ago)

Please Say a Prayer...

I take Cory to get a CT Scan today. He has been having some odd symptoms on the left side of his face for the past week and a half. Numbness, tingling, etc. After going to the doctor early last week, we were told that it could be a number of things... anxiety and stress related, Bell's Palsy (paralysis of the face), among other things. We ultimately have ruled out Bell's Palsy due to the fact that his face never drooped... and usually that happens almost over night. Of course, Cory has been reading online about all the sorts of diagnosis (tumors, blood vessel issues, etc)... so we are anxious to get the results! Please keep us in your prayers today as we are both very nervous!!

Another Christmas Project COMPLETE!

I am SUCH a procrastinator!! I planned on making my niece and nephews Pajamas for Christmas since the summer... but here it is less than a week until Christmas and I am still not finished! Luckily I did get the night gown completed for my niece the other day... and yesterday I completed my nephews Curious George PJs! Here they are!! Now I just have to finish my other nephews Kermit PJs and I am DONE with Christmas! (Other than wrapping a few last things up)!!! WOOT! I'll share the Kermit PJs when I finish!!

On more serious note... my cousin's fiance got his vehicle stolen. It was at his Army Barracks and it was locked with an alarm. They said whoever stole it must be experienced because it had to have been hot wired, etc. I am not sure if they had cameras around the lot... but I would hope so!! Please pray that they are able to recover it in the condition it was in before it got stolen... or else that the insurance company will give him enough money to get something similar. He's only had the thing for like 5 months... so he is pretty devastated!! Not something you want to go through right before Christmas (or EVER!).

Also, my dad, who is a tow truck driver, was called out last night to a fatality. He said it was only the second time he had to see someone removed in a body bag. He lives in a small town... so the girl who died was the girlfriend of someone my dad knows. She was only 21. So please keep her family and friends in prayer. This is the third tragedy in 2009 of people from my high school. The first was a suicide in July... another was the weekend after Thanksgiving... a fluke medical condition.... and now this one. All of these families could really use some prayers!!

**UPDATE**
Here are the Kermit PJ's! Didn't take NEARLY as long to make! Yay! Now I'm done!

A Little Geocaching Adventure

First of all... I want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my niece who is turning 8 today! My sister is putting together a Tea Party Birthday for her and some friends... so I decided that I wanted to try to make her a birthday cake for later on this evening when we get together with family for dinner. It supposed to be a 3D teacup on a saucer... but I'm not sure how it will turn out! It may end up turning into something else if I can't get it right! I'll post pictures when I complete it!

So the other night a couple of friends came over. I made pizza and cookies. We just hung out and chit chatted. Well, somehow they got on the topic of Geocaching. So Cory got online to look up if there were any in our area! We saw that one was at a nearby park... so we scrounged up a few treasures of our own to share and headed out! We didn't have a GPS--but this one seemed easy... so we figured we'd try it out.
Here we are when we got there. Is this the Cache? Seems way too easy to have found it as soon as I got out of the car! So we looked around for about 20 mins. Checking under plants, in trees, under stones, etc. Finally we decided that the little treasures in the flowers had to be it. So we went back to exchange treasures! (Which happened to be a Mega Block Man and a little tool box toy)
I wouldn't want to be die-hard into Geocaching... but I think it would be fun to get a cheap GPS and any time we go anywhere... see if we can do a couple of little searches! Has anyone else ever done it!?

One last thing before I go. Today is the day I have to have an ultra sound on my right kidney. I slept horribly last night just thinking of everything that could be wrong! So please keep me in your prayers this morning. I go in at 9:30AM and I'm pretty nervous!

A Handmade Birthday Present!

Just wanted to share a snapshot of the skirt I made for my niece's birthday this coming Monday! I have some fabric to work on another as well... but this is the first and finished product! I am so excited! I never knew how much I'd enjoy sewing!
I'll post a pic of the next one when it's completed as well!

Also, a note... please say a prayer for me on Monday. I have to go to the hospital to have an ultra sound on one of my kidneys. I am trying not to be freaked out... so I would appreciate the prayers!

***UPDATE***
Here is the 2nd skirt I made! It is TOO cute! I like it a lot better than the first!

Professional Photos From Our Wedding

Here is the LINK to see some of the professional pics from our wedding. We haven't gotten to sit down with the photographer and figure out what all we want yet... but I thought you might like to take a look. My personal favorite, of course, is the picture with my sis and me kissing my dad's cheeks! :) Hope you enjoy!

**NOTE--My sister's father in law suffered a heart attack last night. I don't have any details other than he is in the hospital right now and everyone is trying to pitch in to help out at the family's meat market. PLEASE keep them all, especially him, in your prayers! Thank you!**

Oh, Whats in a Dream??

Last night I had a dream (more like a nightmare). Every where I went, everything I did... Barack Obama was chasing me. I could NOT get away from him. Kind of ironic (Perhaps fitting). No wonder I slept like CRAP.


In other news... Cory has to have laser eye surgery on Friday. It just kind of came up! He has a tear in his retina (or something of the sort). He went to the eye doctor yesterday and they want to get it taken care of right away. He's nervous... I'm nervous for him... but it will be a relief for it to be fixed!!! I know it probably seems silly, but I'm taking off of work early to go over while he is having the surgery. It's too important not to--even though I'll just be in the waiting room! So, for Valentine's Day... I'll be driving out to see him! Not sure if we will end up watching any movies--we aren't sure how his eye will be the day after the procedure. Please keep him in your prayers!


Work has been dreadful. At least I can be thankful I have a job and we are actually busy in the shipping department! I am just so tired of having to get up at 4:30 every morning and working a 9.5-10 hour day. Oh well... Over Time pay is nice, I suppose!

Happy Tuesday!

It's not going to be easy.

Last night... I must've had some kind of bug. I had the chills and my stomach was in knots--just twisting and turning. It was awful. I actually put a big bowl beside my bed just in case I woke up to puke. I actually woke myself up gagging at one point. It was NOT fun. Finally, I just laid hands on my stomach and prayed out loud to God that I wasn't going to claim this bug that was churning in my stomach and I prayed in Jesus' Name. The pain stopped. God is good!!! I slept through the night. This morning I woke up feeling better - but there was still a part of me worried that I had a bug. I had plans to take my grandma with me to the mall and my worrisome mind kept wondering if I was going to be OK to take her. I knew it would mean a lot for her to get out (without my grandpa---they need time apart because they are together 24/7)... so I really didn't want to miss it. My stomach still ached a little... but I never actually got "sick". So... My niece and I picked up my grandma (who has alzheimers) and drove to the next town over to get lunch with my sis and mom and nephew. It was a little crazy. Grandma gets confused so easily. Lunch stressed me. I am not used to being out with 2 lively kids (although they are GOOD kids) and my grandma who can't think straight. Then, our waitress was NOT a very good waitress. She messed up a lot of stuff. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt because maybe she was having a bad day or something - but it was pretty crappy service. After lunch, my niece and I took my grandma to a store. I didn't realize that it was the first time she had been out shopping in about 2 years!!!! At least that's what she said. And when I really thought about it... I think she was right! She pushed the cart around and we went through the aisles of clothes. She would look at things and pick them up... but she had no idea how to tell size. She would look at the tags but not understand the S, M, L, etc. She would look at price tags and get flustered. I put something in the cart... and a few minutes later she would ask where it came from and why it was there and I would have to remind her that it was the item I'd just picked up. Then she would say "Oh, that's right!" I don't know if she really meant it and remembered it... I really don't know. I was so stressed. I WANT to spend time with her and I know its important for her to get out of the house and the blaring TV (my grandpa's escape from it all)... but I just couldn't handle it. I was watching a 7 year old and a 70-some year old. I wanted to help her read the tags and prices... but I also had things I needed to get. It was just so emotionally draining. I KNOW she has this condition... disease... whatever it is... but it is SO hard to see her out of her element. I kept wondering if it was a good idea to take her since she seemed to get so flustered.... but at the same time... I know that she goes crazy and gets bored being at home all of the time. She needs to talk to people and stimulate her mind... but after my bout of stomach issues and not getting to sleep right away, etc... I was pooped. I admit... I snapped at my niece a few times. More than a few actually. She wasn't really doing anything wrong... she would just say or do things that ANY little girl would say or do... but I felt like I was being so sensitive to my grandma that what she was saying only confused her. I just needed her to hush, ya know? After being in the store about 2 hours... we headed to the check out. She got so flustered with her money... so I paid for everything and then she paid me back when we got in the car. We drove back and I dropped her off... and it was a relief. I WANT to spend time and make memories. I know she may not remember them one day as things progress with her deteriorating mind... but I will and that's important to me. When I went home... I took my niece in and we got ready to leave for the teen center (that's where I am now)... and I just started to cry. It was so hard seeing my grandma being so confused and not being able to control her mind. And I also felt guilty for snapping at my niece. She doesn't understand what my grandma is going through and I wouldn't expect her to. I apologized to her for my behavior. I tried to explain myself in a simple way and tell her that I love her. It's all just so overwhelming. I don't know much about alzheimers... but from what I understand it can progress very rapidly. My family could all really use your prayers in dealing with what is to come. It's scary and sad...

I am not going to be able to see Cory until Friday... so that stinks. He is going to a football game with friends tomorrow and then has to go on a business trip Monday and Tuesday... and is busy Wednesday. I'm not sure about Thursday.... but it kinda stinks. Luckily I have him to lean on with all of this stuff with my grandma. He went through it with his grandpa a number of years ago.

I am off for now... don't forget to turn back your clock!!

A Call Today From the Doctor...

... confirms that my grandma has Alzheimers.

It's been suspected.

Now it's for real.

I'm really sad.

This Thursday...

If you can't physically join us, please join us in your hearts.

Urgent Prayer Request!

I found out this evening that my grandpa is going in for heart surgery tomorrow AM at 7:30. There had been some complications with his gall bladder and he had to get some tests... turns out... he has some major heart probs--and his gall bladder isn't so bad after all. And on top of that he has diabetes. He is a truck driver and after this surgery.... he won't be able to drive. So... he's pretty much losing his job and his ability to get around... as well as the fact that my grandma isn't in much of a condition to care for him. She has a hard time caring for herself - and doesn't even cook anymore! She really shouldn't be driving... so I don't know what is going to happen with everything. I guess I am asking for prayer that my grandpa is able to have a successful surgery... and that our family will know how to handle things with him and my grandma with their current conditions!

THANK YOU!!!

A crazy weekend...

Cory went to Maryland to see his friend, Mark. I guess the hospital may be releasing him soon and he is going to be coming back to PA to recover for awhile. I am waiting to hear more from Cory later on. Thank you for your prayers!

I was going to go with Cory--but it was so back and forth up until the last minute and I had to help my mom with a Tea Party at my church this afternoon. It was ZANEY!!! We were swamped. Check out the hat I made for my niece. It was the one requirement of coming to the party. You had to wear a hat! There were some pretty interesting ones!

On a side note though... I am getting very frustrated with people. I try to do what I can and be involved with church activities.... but why does it have to be thrown on just a few shoulders? Everyone wants things to happen... they want luncheons and "teas" and dinners and VBS and Sunday School and programs and small groups.... but who steps up to do it? No one... except me and my mom and Cory. SERIOUSLY.

I volunteer at a teen center. Guess how many volunteers we have total? FOUR. Yes, four people who give up every single weekend of the year. No one else seems to care, despite our pleas for help! It is very frustrating and discouraging. Part of me feels like maybe I should step down from my volunteering. But then... I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to make a difference.

I wonder why people don't seem to care? And its not like there haven't been invitations made so that people feel welcome to help. :(

Urgent Prayer Request!!!!

This afternoon, one of Cory's friends, Mark (a police officer in Baltimore, MD) was shot during some kind of undercover gang work. I'm not sure of the whole story... but apparently the bullet went into his right thigh and shattered the bone. He lost a lot of blood, but was taken to the hospital and was to have surgery tonight. His parents had a police escort down to MD (they live in PA). Please keep Mark in your prayers that all goes well with the surgery, etc... and please keep his family in your prayers for comfort in this crazy time!! I know its really shaken everyone up!

Thank you!

More pics and stuff about my dad's bday tomorrow!!

Real Quick Prayer Request

I am having a horribly horrible day at work (as well as yesterday)... Please say a quick prayer for me! I'm totally overwhelmed and irritated!!!! I'm ready to pull my hair out. And to top it off.. I forgot to bring my lunch... and have no cash. UGH!