Friday, September 3, 2010

Bigger Than I Thought... Crazier Than I Expected

I haven't been chronicling my growing belly. Honestly, I haven't really been showing until recently. I can still kind of hide it depending on my clothes...

However, this morning I thought I'd take a pic to send to some of my family that lives far away... and... well... I guess I'm bigger than I thought I was!

18.5 wks
(Please excuse my bathroom... lol!)

It is still sinking in for me that I am going to be a mom. I just recently felt the baby move for the first time on Sunday... and last night, the baby was moving a lot... which was kind of fun. But it still almost doesn't feel real. Yeah, I've been experiencing most of the symptoms... but once I felt the baby move, it was like a reality check.

There really is something in there!

I have struggled with anxiety in the past. Can you believe that I would actually get myself worked up over time? Wasting time... Time moving too fast... Not enough time... I could go on if I really thought about it. When Cory and I met, I knew in my heart that he was the one for me... we actually got engaged only a couple of months later, only for me to break it off because of panic (the whole "time" issue)... and it took me 4 years to walk down the aisle. Not because I didn't want to... I desperately wanted to! But I would get it in my head that the sooner I got married, the faster life would seem to go. Counting birthdays is hard enough, but adding anniversaries... torture!! I mean, on our 5 year anniversary... I'll be 30! Who wants to be THIRTY yet!?

I know... I sound like a psycho!

Slowly, I have overcome most of this mind-rambling nonsense. With lots of prayer, let me tell you.

But suddenly... I've found it creeping back in.

I'm having a baby! I'm going to practically stop marking the milestones in my own life... because I will be counting his/her Christmases and birthdays. When my child turns 5... I'll be 32! My mom and dad will be 56!

Instead of enjoying each moment as they happen... I panic about things going too fast.

It's a big flaw I have been able to suppress the past few years, after fighting it for a long time. Though it looks like the battle will be raging again!

I'm just hoping it's my hormones making me crazy this time!

If you're a praying person, please send up a little prayer for this mama to calm her anxious heart! I am hoping and praying that the closer it comes to my due date and my belly gets even bigger... the more peace I will find to enjoy life as it happens!!


  1. I am sorry about the anxiety! I will be praying for you. If what I say doesn't help at all, you can ignore it but what if you thought of the baby differently in regards to time. The longer you would have waited to have a baby, the less time you would have with them in your life. The more time you have with them, the more fun things you can do together! Every extra minute you get with your husband and soon to be baby, the better!

    I am turning 30 soon, this year. :\

    Your baby belly is adorable!!!!

  2. awww look at that lil baby belly! You're too cute Mamma!

    Time certainly does go fast, especially when you're a mom. Just take one day at a time and find the small blessings in the day to day and you'll be alright :) Lots of prayers to you friend!

  3. Your little bump is precious!
    I'm right there with you on freaking out over time.
    I guess you learn to appreciate it as it starts to go so quickly.

  4. You are so little, it's no wonder your bump is shining through :) I have you in my prayers little Momma. This time is overwhelming, especially with your first. It is all so...unknown. When baby gets here, you'll be surprised how it all falls into place.

  5. You look wonderful!!! Your baby belly looks fantastic!!! I never realized it looked like that, yet! :) My lil niece or nephew is growin'! I *really* can't wait to meet her or him! :)

    I will definitely pray for your anxiety...just remember, the minutes all go by the same amount for everyone. Don't obsess over numbers...just enjoy the *moments*...each and every one. :)

    AND... I am *excited* to be 30!!! (Next year!!!)

  6. I will pray for you not to be anxious! Hormones can do strange things, but the Lord can help you to enjoy life without reservations! You look so cute with that little belly!

  7. Found you threw the blog "Oh Mandie" I am now a new follower. :) I wish I had taken the time to take more belly shots then I did...I get in modes where I'm always looking to the future...thinking oh I can't wait till we find out boy or girl? I can't wait till she's crawling...I need to learn to just live and pay more attention to the here and now. I will be praying for you!! Anxiety is something I struggle with as well...not fun stuff. I hope you can find peace in God!


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