Why is it... when you go to a store and try to find your size bra... they don't have it. Or if they do... its in the same old-same old... white, beige... and if your really lucky--they may even have black. Do you think they'd have a fun one? Maybe pink or yellow... or Pink with yellow polka dots?? Nope. Never in my size. Although.. I was intrigued by a commercial yesterday on my one-channel-no-cable tv. It was for the "breakthrough backless bra"--now why couldn't I have thought of that?! Whatcha want to bet--if I ever come across one..... it won't fit. ARGH!! And why is it... when you go to a store and actually find a few things to try on... they never fit. There isn't enough bust room... the pants are a little too tight... a dress is cut WAY too low. But of course, you have to wear a bra - so you couldn't even think about wearing something with little straps or heaven-forbid---strapless! *gasp!* (not sure how appropriate that would be anyway) Sometimes I look around and see these girls bigger than me wearing tiny tops and halters... and secretly in my head I'm thinking 'she can wear that... why can't i!? ugh!'... then I snap back into reality and think to myself... 'no, she shouldn't really be wearing that. just because she is doesn't mean its a good thing!' (is that horrible? sorry) Anyway... why is it... the day after you got up at 3:30AM to go to work early... and you slept in (today)- totally forgetting that you should've been to work early again (until you walk into the office and see your amazing co-worker finishing what you should've been doing--Thanks Cathy!)... you happen to be at this same store... and see someone you used to know when you were 17. You used to babysit her kids... she is almost 50 and looks like she is younger than you........... and the first words out of her mouth (after the "hey!!! how are you!?")... are "yeah, you look really tired". Granted, I did mention that I've been exhausted... but throw in the fitting room chaos and it pretty much makes ya feel like pooh! So, I trudged away - thinking how pathetic I must be. (I even put on make up to try to look half decent tonight!)... and I go to the baby section. I had a present all picked out for my cousin's baby shower (which I can't make it to this weekend)... and I wanted to see if I could find one more thing that I'd been thinking of. I found it.... but still browsed through the baby clothes. Have I ever mentioned that I love strawberries? I have bought clothes for my "someday" children and stored them in rubbermaid tubs... for.. "someday". As I was browsing the racks... I saw the most adorable little strawberry dress with little matching bloomers. I picked it up and saw... TAA DAA... it was ON SALE for $3.49. Say WHAT!? I looked through - figuring in my mind what size I would need... trying to rationalize what time of month and how old my baby would be. I did this for about 3 minutes... then I heard a lady talking on her cell phone and I have no idea what she said other than "she'll be due..." and I realized... WHAT AM I DOING? My whole life I have done this. Bought little things here and there for "someday" - packed them away - someday.... someday. I almost started to tear up. So I headed for another section... found my niece a pair of jeans and tank top... that should take my mind off of it... right? *sigh* Right. I think all of these years of pre-planning has jinxed me for life. Or so it seems. Anyway... I happened across the mall to another store - ok, I admit... it was BIG LOTS. I like that store. You can find different stuff every time you go and they usually have organic foods and inexpensive tissues (which I tend to use lots of). I walked past this one section... 90% off! My day was looking brighter! Away from the clothes... the baby stuff... into the world of 90% off. Oh yeah! At the teen center I volunteer at... we have a "goodie box" for the traveling bands we have come in. We try to keep it stocked with travel sized items - shampoos, toothbrushes, chapstick, toothpaste, etc. I hit the jackpot! I was paying like 15 cents for stuff that was normally $1-something. Couldn't pass it up. So that was nice. Then I went to a restaurant and ate some salad. Don't worry, I was in good company. I am reading a book my cousin got me for Christmas called "gilgamesh". It's... interesting. I am not sure how I feel about it totally.. but its kept me interested. I find that when I am reading a good book... I can ride on my exercise bike longer and not get bored. I am currently reading about 5 different books. It's hard to focus on just one - which is why I usually end up veering toward the fiction... it keeps me on the ball.
All of this.... to say... Why is it that there are soooo many blessings in front of me - yet I always tend to linger on the negative? So many lessons to learn.
Well, I have some wrapping to do. I also have to package up a shipment for my Etsy Shop! (WOOT!)
Sorry for rambling!!!
Welcome to the world of the “busty”, my dear! When other girls would whine about being “flat” as they were wearing cute little tops or dresses I wanted to smack them upside the head with a 2x4! Sure, it draws the “looks” from guys but when you get to the point that you’re tripping over them at age 50, are they as attractive? Oh well... the grass is always greener, so the saying goes! Although I have to wonder if Paul (Bible) had been busty would he still have “learned to be content...?” LOL!
ReplyDeleteYou know, reading your post makes me realize that I'm not the only one in the world who thinks like that! I'm glad that you wrote a post from the heart, and how you actually feel. A lot of times we Christians tend to bottle these ideas and feelings up, because we're afraid of what other people will think of of us, or at least I do.
ReplyDeleteI struggle so much with wanting to wear what the other girls my age are wearing. I want that sexy dress for crying out loud!! I tell myself that in heaven there will be better things than sexy dresses, and that helps subside my feelings of inadequacy.
I'm sorry you had such a trying day! Reading a good book always seems to make the day brighter :)
Thank you for offering to investigate some book titles for me! And as far as I know, his sister is not the reading type. But when you're in prison...you almost have no choice, because there's nothing else to do. I honestly don't know what kind of book would suit her best, I wish I could make up my mind about it.
Oh, and the baby thing. God blesses you with your heart's desires. One day you will have babies galore, and can use that little tub filled with treasures! The FUNNY part would be if you had all boys, and you're stocked up on hairbows and bloomers :) There is a good verse to go with this topic:
Matthew 21:22 - If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.
You'll make the most beautiful babies, because looking at your profile picture just screams "cutie patooties coming soon!"
Nen, you're not alone in your struggle with focusing on the negative. Just continue to "self talk" and turn it over to the Lord. God tells us in his word, "Whatever things are pure & lovely, think on these things." Phillipians 4:8 And, of course, pray, pray, pray!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs,
Lea