I've been finding myself slowly slipping back into the realm of anxiety and depression.
I don't know that "depression" is the right word... I would like to say that its more of a "funk".
I have tried to link everything together as to the cause(s) of this. I have been doing SO well (right, Cory?) for so long! I haven't freaked out in a number of months. (By "freaking out", I mean.... getting totally anxious and nervous and non-stop thoughts spinning and spinning in my brain until I can't take it!!! AHH! -and crying a lot.)
My reasoning behind the current state of Funk... lack of sleep. Lack of TIME (meetings all of the time! AH!). Money. Weight. Future (marriage plans, buying a house, moving away). Work (covering for Receiving while still trying to do Shipping also). My grandma (who is developing dementia). Lack of Prayer/Devotions.
I am trying to fight it... I have felt so good not being enslaved to the torture of my own mind. I ask for your prayers... and also for suggestions of good books. I am a fan of fiction... however, I would REALLY like to find some inspirational/devotionals. Something that isn't too boring in its facts... but is knowledgable and meaningful. Please, drop me a comment if you have any good finds. Reading is an escape for me... and I don't always want it to be an escape into a story. (If you know what I mean?) **Tonya--I promise I will send your book back to you!!!!!**
Anyway... I just read a book called TILT by Elizabeth Burns. It's not a Christian book... which I didn't figure when I bought it. But it looked interesting and I liked the little girls name in the story! It had some disturbing stuff in it - one of the characters suffered from Bipolar and was manic-depressive. I almost feel like that stupid book brought down my defenses on such things.... HOWEVER... the main character of the book mentioned about a "Gratitude Journal". She would write the things she was thankful for throughout the day. Simple things... maybe a song, the way the breeze made the wind chimes sound before a rain, her children, a smile. Sometimes even an event in her life. The thought of it stuck with me. A Gratitude Journal. I've always kept a journal-since I was probably 7 or so. Once I started having really bad anxiety feelings, etc... I stopped journaling... because I didn't want to read back and remember those days. SO... I think I may start one. Do any of you keep a journal? Or maybe a gratitude journal? I lean toward pessimism. I don't know why... I am SO blessed in my life. But I am hoping this will help to pick me up... to bring me closer to God (in keeping the journal as a thank you prayer to Him).
I'm curious as to your thoughts...?
Streiker's Bride is a good book. That's the first in a series. They are Christian fiction. Very good. You'll have to look up the author because I'm not sure. It's a book about the relationship between a man and woman, but actually it's about God and the church. I really enjoyed the books. Just some fun reading.
ReplyDeleteJessica
jetcville@aol.com
Hi Nen! And thank you, first of all, for such a beautiful and sincere post!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean when you say "leaning towards pessimism". A few things... I know that when you put all that is going on in your life together, at a time (and you're focusing on the bad aspects of each) then it feels overwhelming. Try doing the same, piling up all that is going on in your life, but this time name what is great or you most like from it. See the difference! :-)
You ask for recommendations on books, I would send you to a page I wrote from which you can find reviews to many positive thinking books:
http://www.the-benefits-of-positive-thinking.com/books-on-the-power-of-positive-thinking.html
From that list I would recommend to you "Everything I've ever done" or "Life's missing instructions manual". Also, not in that list but a really great book is "You can heal your life".
And as for gratitude, being grateful brings us out of a bad mood almost immediately! Check out this page on being grateful:
http://www.the-benefits-of-positive-thinking.com/being-thankful.html
and download a free book on gratitude I put up on my site:
http://www.the-benefits-of-positive-thinking.com/free-gratitude-ebook.html
Let me know how you go, I would love to hear from you (better contact me through the contact form of my site!)
Love
Cristina
I think keeping a journal is a great idea..writing always has helped me let out some of my problems I am dealing with:)
ReplyDeleteJennifer
First of all..the weight is coming off and you look gorgeous!!! Seriously devon!
ReplyDeleteI think being in prayer right now as well as the gratitude journal...if you do it every day...I think that would help you to feel more excited for the future and less stressed. I know you dread going to work...but the fact is that you have to go to pay your bills....so go and make the best of it...if you can. Think of something different you can do to brighten someone else's day there...EACH day!
Today...i taught my sunday school class and one thing that I taught was AWESOME...now don't take this wrong..cuz I love you..and this is a quote that goes towards ALL of us..myself included...well, I am not going to quote it..cuz i don't remember it word for word...but it is basically saying that when we are too busy focusing on ourselves...we don't focus on the needs of others around us...
So...try to turn your work into a mission field. Focus on what others around you need. Sometimes we focus way too much on ourselves...kwim?
Everything is going to be OK....just don't let yourself get overwhelmed!!!!
BTW...Tues night...pavillion...X's party. Come anytime between 6-6:30...we will have supper and cake etc!!!! Cory too, if he can!!! you don't have to stay late or anything!!! :)