I think I got about 2 hours of sleep last night.
I am pooped.
My mom came over today to give me a little break, which was much appreciated!! Hard to believe that it's almost night time again... I am just praying that I'll be able to sleep this time!
Yesterday, Cory and I made a trip out to my hometown to visit my grandma. We hadn't seen her since Christmas Day and I really wanted to take the baby out since I have been getting reports of grandma's rapid decline. (I didn't take any pictures... for obvious reasons written below).
What a shock.
The last I'd seen my grandma, she was sleeping a lot... but she was still there and able to chit chat.
When we arrived yesterday, she was being spoon fed her lunch... and was slumped in a chair. Her eyes closed, her head tilted, her hands shaking.
I had a hard time keeping it together.
I know this may sound weird... but I had prayed all through my pregnancy that grandma would make it to see little Eloise. Part of me felt like taking Eloise to see her... would give her some clearance to go home. That may seem a little selfish... what makes my prayer so special? Why should God wait until Eloise and grandma met to take her home to heaven... just because I asked?
Well, I believe in the power of prayer... and I believe God answers them... so whether or not me taking Eloise to see grandma means that He'll take her home soon, I don't know... but I sincerely hope He will... for everyone's sake. Especially hers.
Though grandma only opened her eyes once (probably not even long enough to focus on anything)... she said a few random things. But the most special thing was when we were leaving and I told her I loved her. She very clearly said, "I love you too sweetheart". I know I can't guarantee that she even knew who she was talking to... but if those are the last words I'll hear from her... I will cherish them forever.
I am so sorry to hear of your Grandmas condition. This brings tears to my eyes for you. My last words shared with my Gram were telling each other we loved each other & the next day she was in a coma she never woke from. Those last words are what has gotten me thru these last few years. I have always believed God had his hand upon our last words knowing that would be what I would hold on to. I think He has given you as you said words to cherish forever. I pray you get some must needed rest tonight. How wonderful your Mom could come be with you two. Eloise looks snug as a bug. I always loved wrapping my babies like that. Reminded me of little glow worms. So precious she is! Prayers & Blessings!
ReplyDeleteAw...Devon....describing your grandma reminds me of my mom....it's so very, very hard......I always got the impression that maybe my mom didn't know exactly who we were in the end...but she knew that she loved us. My son was her only grandson, and when her mind was good...she'd always say.."Now, there's my boy!"....right up to the end she said that.....
ReplyDeleteAlzheimers is a cruel disease and so very hard to watch.
I know being a new mommy is overwhelming....but you will be just fine, and your darling little girl is just the cutest!!
Take care
Marion
I just came over from Katy's blog. Your little one has the same name as my 85 year old sister. I've always loved the name Eloise and your little E is beautiful. Is there a LaLeche league in your area? If not, maybe you can find some information on the internet. You might need to resort to using a breast pump. I know it's not the answer you want to hear but you need your rest.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I will be saying prayers for her to have a peaceful passing. I'm sure in my heart that she knew you and baby Eloise were there.
ugh. I'm not kidding when I say that one of my worst fears EVER is seeing my grandparents in that kind of condition. My grandma especially. Getting old is just so cruel and it's sad to me that we start out like your little Eloise, and we end up leaving in the same condition. Totally dependent on others to care for us. I pray for your sweet grandma!
ReplyDeleteAh, Nen....one of my great privileges is having known your grandma (and her children and their children! And now her great grands!) for a very long time....and knowing what a wonderful woman of God she is. My heart breaks with yours for where she's at now....and I will rejoice with you when the Lord takes her home! So glad the Lord chose to bless you with your visit with her. Know and hold on to the knowledge that she indeed loves you! Praying for her and for you today. I know it's been a big adjustment adding sweetie pie Eloise to your daily lives! But God will bless! I beleive that! :D Love ya!!!
ReplyDeleteThis post brought tears to my eyes remembering my own grandmother. She took a bad fall and never recovered. We all gathered by her bed for days and days. We hoped and prayed that she would recover. Finally on a Sunday evening we all knew in our heart that the best thing was for her to pass. I remember my sister and I standing next to her bed telling her that it was okay to go home. Sometimes I think she was holding on just for us. I hope that she does not have to sufer long.
ReplyDeleteHang in there with Eloise. It will get better. We brought Megan home when she was 9 mos and I remember some really tough times. The good news is that as things get better the memories of the tough moments fade away. Praying for you!
Hang in there!! The first few months are so hard, however, you will make it just fine! God Bless you for taking Eloise to see your Grandma. That took alot of courage on your part and I am sure that she enjoyed it. Take Care and God Bless! Donna, gmills4@suddenlink.net
ReplyDeleteDevon, That was so sweet. I understand how you feel. I have been disabled all my life and I knew my mom was worried about leaving me when she was in her final stage of cancer. I went to the hospital and asked for time alone with my mom. I told her that I loved her and for her not to worry about me that I would be okay. She died in her sleep that night. No matter how much we love them, we just have to be able to let them go. We still have our wonderful memories.
ReplyDeleteYour baby is beautiful. I know it is hard now but it WILL get better.
Love,
Marie
it is so very hard to see our loved ones in their later years, my grandmother is 85 and has Lou gherig's disease, every day is filled with pain and frustration for her. hang in there with the baby, it is a HUGE adjustment and I had the postpartum depression with my son, he had colic and would just Scream, no comforting him and boy was it hard BUT, it will pass, you will adjust and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers:)
ReplyDelete